In and Out (Of Love)
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Piers had always longed for love. Just when he thought he'd found it... it slipped through his fingers. PiersDudley, PiersDean soulmate!au


**A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for QLFC and Hogwarts. Prompts are below. :)**

**Captain: Reversed: Shattered Dreams, Broken Family, Domestic Disharmony**

**Word Count: 2166**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling. **

**WARNINGS: Briefly touched upon loveless childhood, a tiny bit of self-deprecating thoughts**

**Thanks to Kim, Lisa, and Grace for beta-ing!**

**Enjoy!**

Piers Polkiss rolled over in bed and groaned. His head was pounding, and when he cracked his eyes open, bright yellow sunlight was streaming through the window and casting everything in a much too cheerful glow. Besides that, he could feel the heat; it was as though the sun was trying to torch him.

Maybe that was an exaggeration, but Piers thought he was entitled to one after the night he'd had.

With a sigh, he rolled out of bed and walked across his messy bedroom to the ancient air conditioner. He needed a new one, in all honesty, but who had the money for such things? He fiddled with it until it spluttered weakly to life. It wasn't perfect, but it would cool the flat down a bit. He thought briefly about ringing up Dudley to see if he could stop by and look at it, but then he remembered that wasn't an option anymore.

Piers closed his eyes, the grey orbs flashing with pain. Right. Probably best not to think about Dudley right now.

The nineteen-year-old trudged into the kitchen and made himself a strong cup of coffee—black. As he was pouring it, the realization that he'd be drinking the beverage alone for the foreseeable future hit him. He wondered, suddenly, how he was supposed to move forward.

He looked around the kitchen, his gaze moving from the cluttered sink to the flickering light bulbs overhead. There wouldn't be any visitors for a while; there was no need to fix anything. But it still felt odd to suddenly have only himself to please. _You're alone again,_ he kept telling himself. _You better get used to it._

* * *

_The dinner had been quiet so far, but Piers could barely summon up the courage to eat, much less strike up an interesting conversation. The little case in his pocket felt heavy, but in the best way. _

_Piers reached to pick up his fork, and as he did so his sleeve slid up, revealing his soulmate words. _What's your name, then? _they read. He knew Dudley's said _Oh, I'm sorry.

_He chuckled softly to himself, remembering the day he'd met the other man. They'd been so young—only eight—and it was Piers' first day at a new school. On the playground after lunch, he'd tripped over the sandbox and completely crushed whatever creation Dudley had been working on. He'd apologized, embarrassed, and Dudley had glanced from Piers to his arm and back again before finally looking up and saying Piers' words. _

_They'd been best friends from that day on. It had only been recently that they decided to take the plunge and be lovers at last, if two years could be considered recent. Piers was the happiest he'd ever been. _

_Finally, near the end of their dinner, Dudley spoke. "Okay. Do you wanna say it, or should I?"_

_Piers looked up at his boyfriend, confused. "Say what? What do you mean?"_

_Dudley ran a hand through his blond hair, a sigh escaping him. "Piers, I can't be the only one of us thinking it."_

_Piers clutched his silverware more tightly. "Thinking what?"_

"_We… we're not working, Piers. I'm not sure we ever really were."_

_Piers was sure his heart had stopped beating; every part of him felt paralyzed. "But… but we're…"_

"_That's the thing," Dudley said, pulling at the collar of his shirt. He looked sorry and sympathetic, which made Piers hate him just a little. "We both have very, very common words. I honestly did think we were soulmates—I wasn't messing around there—but I… I liked you better as a mate. I think we should stay that way."_

_The ring in Piers' pocket was burning. "I thought you were serious about this. You came out to your parents!"_

"_And that was great!" Dudley quickly assured him. "I'm happy being out. Mum is coming around, and… and Dad will get there eventually. But I'm happy this way." His blue eyes locked onto Piers' black ones. "I still want to be your friend, but the dating thing… isn't working."_

_Piers stared at the tablecloth. "Okay."_

_Dudley held out his hand, palm up. "Friends?"_

_Piers thought about the young boy who'd taken him under his wing after he'd made a fool of himself in the sandbox. He thought of the boy who'd really gotten to know him once he learned Piers could throw a mean punch. He recalled how that boy had turned into a cruel teenager without direction, and how much he'd love going along for the ride. _

_He remembered how that teenager had disappeared and come back with a new sense of compassion and shame. _

_Now that boy was a man, one who was not cruel and did not care whether Piers could throw a punch or not. But he was just as cruel, in ways Piers couldn't begin to describe._

_He looked back up at Dudley, plastering a smile on his face. He took the man's hand. "Friends."_

* * *

His shift at the cafe was going slowly. Piers ran a hand over his face and sighed to himself. He needed a drink.

The bell above the door rang, and Piers looked up. His jaw dropped when he saw who it was.

"Hey," Dudley said, looking out of breath. "My usual, please?"

Piers blinked rapidly. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here!" he hissed.

Dudley frowned. "Why not?"

Piers really didn't want to get into this conversation here, where everyone was standing as witness, but he just couldn't let this go.

"We broke up yesterday, Dudley," he said, his jaw clenched.

The broad-shouldered man shrugged. "Yeah, but we can still be _friends._ I don't see why that has to change."

The man was hopeless when it came to emotions, really.

"It doesn't," Piers tried to explain. "It's just—you really hurt me, Dud. And I know you didn't mean to, and that—argh." Piers ran his hands through his black hair, struggling to come up with the right words. "I just need time to myself, yeah? And that means" —his voice broke— "not coming here during my shift."

Dudley swallowed audibly and nodded. He looked guilty and upset, which only made Piers feel worse. He tried to smile, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

If Piers was honest with himself, he knew that they hadn't been working. Piers worked weekdays at the cafe; Dudley's work hours were less rigid, and he often had trouble understanding why Piers needed to take an extra shift. He had a habit of leaving his shoes in the middle of the floor, which drove Piers mad. He could be loud and insensitive at times, even though he was trying to vanquish that bit of his father in him.

Still, Piers had hoped that, despite their many problems, they'd get past all that. Soulmates were supposed to be able to, after all, and that's what Piers had thought they were. Dudley hadn't had the same hopes, clearly.

"Let me get you that coffee."

* * *

_Piers was fifteen years old when he realized that he was sort of in love with Dudley._

_He'd always known they were soulmates, but their relationship was always so… platonic. And Piers liked it that way, he did. He just kinda wanted to get to the unconditional love bit already._

"_Hey, mate. You've zoned out. All right?"_

_Piers' head snapped up. "Huh? Oh. Yeah, fine."_

_Dudley looked at him strangely, but then shrugged and continued eating his fish and chips. After a few minutes, he said, "Are your folks being… your folks again?"_

_Piers winced. He nodded hesitantly, and Dudley clapped him on that back in sympathy. "Sleep over at mine, then. My cousin's away—you can use his room, or bunk in mine."_

_Piers agreed with appreciation, but he was burning inside. He wanted what Dudley had so badly—a happy life with parents that loved each other, and, in turn, loved their son. He wanted to be able to be confident in his place in the family. He wanted to be seen._

_Dudley's father didn't work ridiculous hours just to avoid being home. His mother actually cared about what he had to say. Dudley never missed dinner or had to cook it himself when his parents shut themselves away after a big row. _

_More than anything, Piers wanted that happiness. The words on his arm reminded him that it could happen, and that was everything. _

* * *

Piers kept his head bowed as he exited the cafe, spent emotionally and physically. The sky was overcast but he didn't feel like facing his empty apartment, so he took a detour through the park instead.

It was a mistake.

He was immediately assaulted by millions of memories, and even if they weren't all tainted by his failed romance, they were still painful. He hadn't lost Dudley; he knew that. But it still felt like he'd lost _something._

Piers sat down heavily on a nearby bench and dropped his head in his hands. He watched some pigeons searching for food on the ground and kicked absently at one. It flew off with a loud rustling of wings, a couple feathers coming loose. Piers caught one in his hand and looked at it carefully.

It was so soft and unassuming. So innocent and beautiful, in its own way. He crushed it.

Fragile, he thought. Just like love.

Piers leaned back and closed his eyes, turning his head towards the sky. He was never going to find that happiness. It just… wasn't meant for people like him.

He thought back on the ring he'd bought. He wasn't sure what he'd expected it to do—fix a relationship that was already beginning to crumble? Renew their faith in each other? Whatever it was, it wouldn't have succeeded.

And then Piers thought that, maybe, he was more in love with the idea of Dudley as a soulmate than with Dudley himself. He laughed bitterly. He'd really screwed things up; he was lucky Dudley even wanted to stay in contact.

He wasn't meant for commitments or families. There was something about him that kept people from getting that close; that had always been the case.

His eyes were swimming with tears, and he winced at the loudness of his own unhappy thoughts. Piers took out his headphones and iPod and muted the world. He couldn't handle it right then. He stood up and began to walk aimlessly, listening to what _he_ chose, what _he_ wanted. The songs weren't about love—maybe they wouldn't be again.

It was a stupid thing, love.

Piers stopped beside a tree as a tear slid down his cheek. He wanted it anyway.

_He wanted it anyway._ Piers' shoulders shook as he slid down the tree. The rain began to come down, the water mixing with his tears. What was this thing that transcended all reason, that ensnared so many people? It was supposed to take pain away, but all it had ever done was hurt Piers when he was hoping most for it.

Everyone else seemed to be loved by someone. He only had Dudley, and now he was gone in the way Piers needed him most.

But he found that he couldn't blame Dudley. He needed space from him, yes, but it wasn't actually the other man's _fault_. It would have been worse, Piers realized, if he's led him to believe a lie.

No. What bothered Piers was the fact that love never lasted when it came to him—not his mother's, his father's, or Dudley's—and that, really, it was his own fault that he kept getting hurt. He always hoped for it too much.

"Polkiss," he whispered to himself as the rain poured down around him, "you're the only enemy you ever seem to lose to."

Suddenly, he felt a pressure against his legs, and then someone was falling on top of him. Ripped from his thoughts, Piers realized he'd tripped someone trying to get through the rain. He chastised himself.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He stood up quickly and pulled the stranger to his feet, ignoring the dark eyes that were watching him carefully.

The stranger shot him a smile and waved his apology away. He turned away from Piers, then glanced back, his brow furrowed. "What's your name, then?" Then he hastened to add, "I'm Dean Thomas. You all right, mate?"

Piers blinked slowly. It couldn't be that easy. Looking into those brown eyes, he decided that it was too good to be true.

"Piers Polkiss," he muttered. "Sorry, I've got to go."

He ignored Dean's shout of "Wait!" as he fled the park. Piers practically ran to his apartment building, ascended the stairs, and shut the door firmly behind him. He exhaled slowly, overcome with emotions he didn't even want to try to decipher.

Maybe, _maybe_ Dean was his soulmate, but Piers wasn't going to waste his time. He didn't know this man, or how he might hurt him.

Someone else could run after him for once. He was done with hoping.

**A/N:**

**Writing Club: **

**Assorted Appreciation: 12. Avi — alt. (dialogue) "Do you wanna say it, or should I?"**

**Disney Challenge: Characters 9. Terrence — write about having a crush on your best friend**

**Book Club: Birdie — (dialogue) "You really hurt me, [name].", (plot point) a break up, (emotion) jealous**

**Showtime: 38. Burn — (emotion) hurt**

**Amber's Attic: 47. "You're the only enemy you ever seem to lose to."**

**Liza's Loves: 18. Tiefling — alt. Write about someone who isn't quick to trust**

**Angel's Arcade: Lucio — (color) bright yellow, (item) headphones, (word) ascend**

**Scamander's Case: 12. (object) feather**

**Film Festival: 14. (word) transcend**

**Marvel Appreciation: Mind Stone: 2. (color) yellow**

**Seasonal Challenges:**

**Days of the Year: 5th July — alt. Write about someone hurt by a workaholic partner/family member**

**Summer: 11. (object) air conditioner **

**Fire: 7. (word) torch**

**Mix It Up: Piers Polkiss, jealous**

**Gryffindor: Characters 13. Dean Thomas**

**Fortnightly:**

**Soulmates R Us: 3. First words spoken to each other written on skin somewhere**

**Southern Funfair: Test Your Strength: God: Piers Polkiss**

**Northern Funfair: Splash a Mod: Lo - Piers Polkiss**

**Eastern Funfair: Gnome Throwing: Dudley Dursley (wc: 2166)**

**365 Words: 357. Witness**

**Insane House: 240. (dialogue) "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here!"**


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